btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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