I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How does one acquire holy water?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
