They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
