I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
