The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He felt like a one man threesome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The air was thick with penises
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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