halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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