i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my shit smells like andre
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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