her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
