Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
