And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
