you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
