Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
