I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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