my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
