That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Randomize
