3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
