I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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