I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
