i think my tv is drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
