hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
