so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
