Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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