One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
