I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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