I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
