He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
