I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
