that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
