every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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