You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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