i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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