Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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