I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Girls should come with a carfax report
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
