The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
