dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
