Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't deserve a penis
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
