I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
