you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
