this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
