Where are you?
In a non slutty way
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
