How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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