I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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