what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
