So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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