I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
