i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
