The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
God I need to hump something, right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
