It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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