yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
