guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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