Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
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The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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