i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
