Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
