Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
