I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
