I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
