Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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