drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
