There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
