whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
