watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The ass gains better be worth it
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