i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
