I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize