FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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