He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
