3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
